Thursday, March 20, 2008

The Mainlanders

When in Hong Kong locals always use the term "mainlander" as a derogatory statement, meaning a sought of backward thinking person caught under the guise of communism. "these streets are flooded with goddamn mainlanders, they're the worst". Alot of friends that live in the Hong Kong islands never venture far into Mainland China due to the fact that there are mainlanders everywhere.
I compare it to NYC islands and Long Island in relation to the mainland America. I never venture to far inland for relatively the same reason.

Mainlanders Americans destroy the American image in other countries. Take for example this little story of one such occurrence when I was in Costa Rica.

Yukijohn was signed up for a 9:30 am boat trip to Isla Tortuga. We were to meet at Sano Banano on the mainstrip. That's when I spotted the 1/2 ton of American Mainlanders, there were 6 of them, grotesquely spread out in front of the office. We are led down to the beach and hop onto the beached boat in between breakers. Two Ticos (Costa Ricans) helped us onto the speedboat, we boarded and sat up front, next came a 1/4 ton of the meat, 3 of the largest plopped down in front of us. The 45 minute ride to the island was to be interesting, besides watching the amazing scenery that was engulfing us, we got to see each wave create ripples through the Mainlanders fat deposits. We had ocean around us and directly in front of us. So the Ticos get us safely to the first snorkeling area. Deep-diver-over-the-boat-side-style I tumble into the liquid to bob around looking underneath the surface. Swimming around tires the muscles and it is time to reboard the boat. Everyone is back on except 1/6 of the ton and yuki and I treading water waiting for the mass in front of us to board. She struggles to lift her flabby liquified body into the boat, she pushes up and seconds later her poor little muscles give up on dragging this blobular unit in. This struggle continues for another 20 minutes with the muscles repeatedly giving up. Yuki and I tire of treading and swiftly climb the boats side ladder and settle down to rest. The Ticos finally try to drag in the netfull of tuna into the boat, every taught muscle in their body can't overcome the human fleshpile floating at waters surface. One last adrenaline-induced pull tanks the pile into the boat like the prize-winning Mako catch.
We head to the beach for some rest. Images of the past moments have my thoughts gigglin within. The day proceeds with one more snorkling adventure, some sand time, and a marlin lunch. It was great.
homeward bound now and the surf kicked up. The extremely bumpy ride begins this time with the full half-ton tucked into the front half of the boat. We quickly grabbed the back cause I needed no more visions of the human swell. The Ticos hit every possible wave as to make the Mainlanders have a ride back that they will never forget. Then the last straw occurred, one mass flew out of the front and landed at my feet flailing. That's it, I lost it I burst out laughing, I couldn't hold it anymore, I was going to give myself a prolapse with this laughing pressure that was building within.
Yuki and I jumped out when we hit land with a vow to stay in the NY islands and keep away from the mainland and its obese land yachts who inhabit it.

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